Forget Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.)

When you are little, and you get scared, you run to your Mommy whose warm embrace makes it all better, makes you feel safe again. Who is supposed to comfort us when we are grown, and have children of our own? Who do we run to when we are afraid? 

I have friended fear. Fear didn't friend me. Fear is indifferent, it doesn't need you as much as you need it—fear already has MANY friends. Once you welcome fear into your house, it wears you like a second skin. Even on your best days, you sense it, feel it, you smell it, it lingers, waiting to grab hold of your thoughts and ruin you. Fear, it changed me. It changed my whole life.

Fear is everything Love isn't and so much more. Fear grows roots in the head, not the heart. The heart is where Love resides, and always will. Fear is loud, Love speaks in whispers. Fear plants doubt, Love spreads hope. Fear paralyzes, Love is movement. Fear and Love, the head and the heart, the struggle is almost cliché and as old as time itself. 

Today I am afraid, for far too many reasons that are out of my control. I know better, and yet, I want to forget everything and run. I wish I were a little girl again, where all fear could be erased and all monsters melted away, by placing my head against my mother's heart. 

Peace

The Pledge

It starts with a simple pledge, to write a page a day for the month of October. Sounds easy enough, right?! Easy enough for people whose lives have order, peace and the occasional quiet. Me, not so much. There is ALWAYS noise. The TV, incessantly spewing forth meaningless jibber-jabber that echoes throughout the house and seeps into the crevices of my gray matter. The dogs, barking barking barking at all of the innocent passers by. The birds' shrill squawks, an anti-harmonious song that lets me know the rain is near. The bearded ogre who never stops talking, it's hard to concentrate. 

Whether an entire page gets written, or not, I endeavor to write. My mind starved for the mental nourishment it provides. Use it or lose it they say, and they are right! I am grateful for being, today. Grateful for the two loves of my life who complete me in a way that only God understands and grateful for another day enveloped in their light. How great is that? 

Off I go to finish my morning ritual, broken today by the pledge. Oh, how I want to linger here all day, writing whatever it is that comes to mind, and waiting for the rain. 

T