Entanglement

Two weeks ago, today, I started my new life. Gone is the emotional overload that accompanied this change... stress, anticipation, anxiety, sadness, excitement, fear ...I haven't really had time to fully process this whole experience. A week of unpacking and getting settled was followed by shopping for miscellaneous necessities that go toward making a household function. Then there was a family reunion to distract me from the stark reality of my situation—which was great by the way. Now, without any kind of frantic schedule looming on the horizon, I'm left thinking... what next ? My life is just that now... my life . I will always have a connection to my past, and I will always be a mother to two amazing girls, but suddenly I don't feel defined by that any longer. Who am I? What do I want from life? The landscape before me is vast, wide open, a long road stretching into an empty horizon. Will the road ahead be rough, filled with potholes and roadblocks? Will it be a scenic h...

After a week of moaning, begging, and sullen, forlorn stares, I finally gave in and took the girls to Lake Lanier Beach and Water Park today. My anxiety was twofold—first I haven't been in the sun, tanning bed, or even applied the first drop of self tanner in about two years. Looking at me in bright direct sunlight is probably akin to someone shining a Xenon flashlight into your eyes when you're not expecting it, so I stayed in the shade most of the day. Secondly, I haven't donned a swimsuit in about a year. Seeing pictures of myself circa Spring Break '08 cured me of ever wanting to be seen in public again, much less in a swimsuit. I weep for that poor woman and the sadness that consumed her. I nervously rifled through the various sizes and brands of swimsuits I've collected over the years—Victoria's Secret... not quite yet ...Land's End... not that big anymore ...Old Navy... too cutesy ...I finally slipped into a black one piece, and breathed a sigh of rel...

Well, the hard part is over, at least that's what I'm hearing. From an emotional standpoint I can see some truth in that, but from a new beginning perspective the outlook is frightening. For instance, everyone knows that moving sucks. Let me tell you it sucks even more when you are on a tight budget and have to do it yourself. My body is so racked with pain this morning I feel like I've been strapped to some kind of medieval torture device for the last two days. To add insult to injury, I was soooo looking forward to a nice hot shower last night to help ease my battered old body into a dreamless sleep. What I got instead was more pain and agony. Whoever installed the shower head in this place was a sadist—the devil himself I tell you. I felt like I was being pressure washed by thousands of little tiny sharp needles. I had to turn the water off in order to lather up, and then dance around with my arms shielding my most delicate parts once the water was back on. I don't t...