My daughters hate it when I say I'm fat. It is considered self-deprecating and in all honesty, is treated like a four letter word around here. Their intentions are honorable and pure, but the truth of the matter is that I've been overweight for years. Now that my worst kept secret is out of the bag, I can get to some hard truths on being fat.
"Don't get fat. No one will take you seriously and EVERYONE will judge you, silently." -DB
My friend DB is right. I have also found that when you speak, people don't really listen to a word you say. You may think that they are, but no. Most people won't even look you in the eye. Why? My guess is that they are probably thinking that you might want to reconsider that up-do so that you look less like a pinhead. Sadly, we live in a society that judges you based on appearance. People who see me in passing will never know what an awesome mom I am, or that I am smart, talented and witty, OR that I used to be the very definition of fit. Before I ruined my body, I was training three to four days a week, was studying to be a personal trainer and had a BMI of 16.8%...but I digress, this is me truth telling about the awfulness of being fat.
First and foremost, it's not healthy to be fat. I don't care what anybody says, it's NOT HEALTHY. I had my first gut punch in 2016 when I was at the doctor because I was feeling "off" and found myself in the back of an ambulance on the way to the cardiac wing of Northside Hospital. You think that would have scared me straight, but I have an emotional eating addiction. Food is like the alcohol that used to soothe me. I simply traded one addiction for another. I used to drink my dinner when I was thin, but that's another story entirely. Onward....
FACTS: It's hard to move when you are fat. Everything you eat eventually winds up an acidic explosion burning fire in the back of your throat. Elongated toilets will become your best friend because your ass no longer fits on the baby round bowls. Everything you wear will have elastic somewhere. Tying your shoes will become a Herculean task, until eventually every pair of shoes you own are slip-ons. Your own snoring will wake you up at night. You and heat will not co-exist, and you will have rashes in unholy places to prove it. Purses will slide right off your shoulder because there is no longer a bone there to keep it in place. Showering is like tackling Everest. Tables instead of booths. Everything hurts all the time. You will hate the way you look.
"Don't get fat. No one will take you seriously and EVERYONE will judge you, silently." -DB
My friend DB is right. I have also found that when you speak, people don't really listen to a word you say. You may think that they are, but no. Most people won't even look you in the eye. Why? My guess is that they are probably thinking that you might want to reconsider that up-do so that you look less like a pinhead. Sadly, we live in a society that judges you based on appearance. People who see me in passing will never know what an awesome mom I am, or that I am smart, talented and witty, OR that I used to be the very definition of fit. Before I ruined my body, I was training three to four days a week, was studying to be a personal trainer and had a BMI of 16.8%...but I digress, this is me truth telling about the awfulness of being fat.
First and foremost, it's not healthy to be fat. I don't care what anybody says, it's NOT HEALTHY. I had my first gut punch in 2016 when I was at the doctor because I was feeling "off" and found myself in the back of an ambulance on the way to the cardiac wing of Northside Hospital. You think that would have scared me straight, but I have an emotional eating addiction. Food is like the alcohol that used to soothe me. I simply traded one addiction for another. I used to drink my dinner when I was thin, but that's another story entirely. Onward....
FACTS: It's hard to move when you are fat. Everything you eat eventually winds up an acidic explosion burning fire in the back of your throat. Elongated toilets will become your best friend because your ass no longer fits on the baby round bowls. Everything you wear will have elastic somewhere. Tying your shoes will become a Herculean task, until eventually every pair of shoes you own are slip-ons. Your own snoring will wake you up at night. You and heat will not co-exist, and you will have rashes in unholy places to prove it. Purses will slide right off your shoulder because there is no longer a bone there to keep it in place. Showering is like tackling Everest. Tables instead of booths. Everything hurts all the time. You will hate the way you look.
I did this to myself, for too many reasons to list here, and I am the only one who can undo it. At some point, I need to make my outside match my inside and I will...at some point. Right now, insanely, I am okay with the anonymity and invisibility of being fat. This weight is a scar, the battle scar of my life. It represents all the moments and emotions when I broke under the strain. It is my silent cry for help when I felt alone and unloved. It is my triumph, that I remain. Here. Living.
Peace
Peace
