Friday, April 16, 2021

No Better Medicine


I don't sleep well—haven't for years. Used to be drinking that kept me from a solid eight, now, it's anyone's guess. Last night it was Valkyrie. She was on me, not beside me, ON me most of the night—my slightest adjustment eliciting Oscar worthy groans and yawns from Her Majesty. Maybe I keep HER awake with my snoring,
but no matter, there is no better way to start the day than this...stinky Frito paw in my face, fifty plus pounds of dead weight on my torso and the most expressive, expectant, soulful eyes in the Universe staring at me every morning like it's the first time.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, for me, there is no better medicine for depression than our dog. She takes me out of self every day and allows me to see the world through her eyes. There is nothing but this moment for her, every single one a miracle—balls, birds, car rides, frosty paw treats—it's all pure bliss. I am so grateful for these hours, small and monumental as they are.
I hope you are all having a blessed day.
Peace

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Memories

I hope you all enjoyed your Easter weekend, however you chose to celebrate it. I spent the morning with Jesus and the afternoon cleaning out the garage—boxes upon boxes that have been stored and moved countless times and for what? I realized today, that my life is in those dirty, collapsing, brown cardboard squares—so many pictures, so many memories frozen in time that almost never see the light of day.

Beach scenes, birthdays, loved ones, a wedding, growing children—all scattered and out of sequence yet they paint a picture of a seemingly happy life. I remember that life. I was miserable. I tried like hell to pretend I was normal. I was married to a successful man, had a lovely home, perfect kids, but I was lost. Lost and so lonely. You never know what demons people face, or what lengths they go to, to hide it.
I will be 53 in a few weeks. I am not lost anymore. I am not lonely. I prefer quiet contemplation to casual conversation. I have gray hair and curves, and I am confident with that. I am happy, most days. I still battle my demons—I always will. Wisdom is the crown I wear every day, knowing that all we have is Now. My boxes, my pictures, my frozen moments, remind me of who I am and how far I have come in this life, for which I am so grateful.
Peace