Entanglement

Last night, I watched a documentary on Netflix called Magnetic, directed by Thierry Donard (he's brilliant, look him up). From surfing the giant waves of Nazaré Canyon, Portugal to speed flying in the mountains of New Zealand, Donard captures elite daredevil athletes at the top of their game doing what they do best, and gives the viewer some of the most breathtaking scenes cinematography has ever given us. I encourage you to watch it, even if you have no interest in extreme sports! This amazing planet on which we live, truly is miraculous. Now, I'm no activist, but we really do need to take better care of her. All Native cultures know this instinctively and yet some dismiss them as primitive. I dare say they are more spiritually aware and evolved than modern day "civilization." Take a look around you...are we acting like responsible citizens of humanity, or are we behaving like sniveling children who don't know any better how to manage our emotions? Ever...

If there's one thing that this worldwide shit show has proven to me, it's just how fast Life as we know it can change. I'm fifty-two, clearly, I know how fast life can change, but n-o-t-h-i-n-g on this scale has happened in my lifetime. How many of us rode (or are still riding) the roller coaster of emotions in the days and weeks after COVID19 became a part of our daily vocabulary?! For me, it has become a chance to embrace, and practice living in the present moment. The one thing that I can control during these unprecedented times, are my feelings surrounding all of it...so I stopped the roller coaster and got off. I wake each morning and give thanks to God for Life, for the chance to spend another day with my beautiful daughters and our crazy Belgian Malinois. Starting each day with an expression of genuine thanksgiving sets a positive tone, keeps the demons at bay and I often experience overwhelming gratitude for little things: lilies in bloom, birds singing, cool mo...

God may sometimes seem slow answering your prayers, but He is never late.

Today was a rough day. Exhaustion extracted three naps from me, my tired old heart was in my throat most of the day, pounding and burning as if I'd run a marathon and my head has been on the verge of migraine since before I opened my eyes at 0553 this morning. Stress. Gotta love it. Years ago, a large bottle of Pinot Grigio or a strong margarita would have been self prescribed to make all that pain go away. If I close my eyes and swirl that around for a time, I can almost feel...well, instant regret as it most often turned out, because I don't know how to have just one drink. Love was the reason I quit. You see, my actions showed that sometimes I loved the drink in my hand more than those around me, and that was unacceptable. Love saved me. Love saves me still. Love laughs with me. Love cries with me. Love understands me and accepts me. Love fights for me, and with me. Love rises to every challenge that Life throws at me and helps me get through. Love says we're in this to...

Entanglement, has it really been so long? I'm sorry I have not come home to write in over a year. I've been writing for smaller platforms, peer platforms where my voice is actually heard and people do read what I have written. Facebook algorithms buried my pieces after only hours of being posted and I lost a great deal of readership because of that. I have been focused on quality over quantity and it has paid dividends quite literally, a penny here, a penny there. Still waiting on my windfall, which may actually be right around the corner now that my first manuscript is mere days away from being on bookshelves. It's been ten years since I finished writing her, and while I had my doubts that I would ever be published, I wouldn't have been ready until now. God's timing may sometimes seem slow, but He is never late. Success in my 50's is going to be sweet soul nectar. Peace    

I keep thinking  surely I've reached bottom. I'm tired. I'm soul sore. I'm empty. But turns out, the trench is much deeper and darker than my mind dared ever imagine. I'm asylum silly, me and the Universe laughing at the impossibility of my life. In the dark, in the silence, there's an all too familiar chorus of voices in my head willing me to believe ...you're not good enough, you're a failure and a fool, you're not worthy, you're not strong, you never have been... and then every mistake of my past plays out in technicolor for my shame to bear witness. Why.    Never whisper  why  to the wind, because she will answer you with indifference, hardship and a big old helping of  why not? She will whip you like a ratty flag tethered to the pole in high winds. Listen, at some point you have to surrender to the absurdity, stop struggling against the circumstances and be cool, or living quicksand will pull you under. Staying cool, doesn't mak...

My daughters hate it when I say I'm fat. It is considered self-deprecating and in all honesty, is treated like a four letter word around here. Their intentions are honorable and pure, but the truth of the matter is that I've been overweight for years. Now that my worst kept secret is out of the bag, I can get to some hard truths on being fat. "Don't get fat. No one will take you seriously and EVERYONE will judge you, silently." -DB My friend DB is right. I have also found that when you speak, people don't really listen to a word you say. You may think that they are, but no. Most people won't even look you in the eye. Why? My guess is that they are probably thinking that you might want to reconsider that up-do so that you look less like a pinhead. Sadly, we live in a society that judges you based on appearance. People who see me in passing will never know what an awesome mom I am, or that I am smart, talented and witty, OR that I used to be the very d...