My daughter got a new ceiling fan yesterday. Her old one was cheap builder grade, nine years old and made an awful racket if it was required to spin faster than low speed. I know about this squeaking noise first hand because she had a nightmare a couple of nights ago, and I offered to lie down with her until she got back to sleep. How long had my baby suffered in silence??!! Her room was about 110 degrees with the fan blowing (my husband would disagree and remind me that I'm freakishly hot natured), but the fact was, the fan was so loud it's all I could think about...Why hasn't Ruth Ann said anything about this god awful rickety clanking sound coming outta this fan?...No wonder she reads herself to sleep every night, she's trying to distract herself from this noise...I wonder what it would sound like on high?...No wonder she hits snooze five times in the morning, she's not getting enough REM sleep...How long have I been lying here?...Is she asleep yet?
Are you asleep yet?
(softly) No.
So, four hours later I returned to my bed.
Now, for the record, Ruth Ann never asked for a new ceiling fan. This was all my idea. My genuine concern that my child is sleep deprived motivated the quest to find the perfect fan. I dragged her to the nearest Home Depot, where I let her choose. She must get her expensive taste from me—that or the Hunter fan people's claim, FIVE MINUTE FAN, was the reason for the cost. No matter, it was what she wanted and my husband would have it up in five minutes! Now, my husband's father was a master electrician, and like his father, Paul knows what he's doing, plus he's an A&P (Airframe and Powerplant Mechanic), which means he's licensed to work on and fix any airplane in the world. Ceiling fans are just fixed propellers, right? I thought it would be a piece of cake for him, and then I heard...five minute fan, my ass...I'd like to see the factory reps put this fan up in five minutes...I could take the wings off a 747 faster than this...who are they kidding?...sonofabitch...(sound of parts falling)...damnit!...maybe if two people were working on this it's a five minute fan...oh, come on!
Now, for the record, Ruth Ann never asked for a new ceiling fan. This was all my idea. My genuine concern that my child is sleep deprived motivated the quest to find the perfect fan. I dragged her to the nearest Home Depot, where I let her choose. She must get her expensive taste from me—that or the Hunter fan people's claim, FIVE MINUTE FAN, was the reason for the cost. No matter, it was what she wanted and my husband would have it up in five minutes! Now, my husband's father was a master electrician, and like his father, Paul knows what he's doing, plus he's an A&P (Airframe and Powerplant Mechanic), which means he's licensed to work on and fix any airplane in the world. Ceiling fans are just fixed propellers, right? I thought it would be a piece of cake for him, and then I heard...five minute fan, my ass...I'd like to see the factory reps put this fan up in five minutes...I could take the wings off a 747 faster than this...who are they kidding?...sonofabitch...(sound of parts falling)...damnit!...maybe if two people were working on this it's a five minute fan...oh, come on!
An hour and twenty minutes later, the fan was installed. So now you know, there is no such thing as a five minute fan, proving once again that if it sounds too good to be true, don't buy it!
So true. The real question is, is it quiet.I have a really expensive fan in my bedroom and there is a tick, tick, tick, when on high. It's torture. So our fan is always on low and the AC is cranked down to 66. Maybe your daughter will now be able to get a good-night's sleep!
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