Absolute Solitude

Today I feel as alone in the world as I have ever felt. Loneliness has new meaning for me this moment...it is tangible and alive, a living breathing entity doing its best to swallow me whole. The house is dark, eerily still and quiet. There is no sound, no T.V., no stereo, nothing. Even the dogs are silent. There is only the sound of my beating heart, and my slow deliberate breaths. I wonder how I am able to breathe at all. My soul must be keeping my body alive and moving for this pain would surely have killed me by now. It is hard being an emotional wreck and having to bury the grief for the sake of watchful, perceptive, innocent eyes. It is hard to think about life changes and the road ahead. It is hard listening to your head argue with your heart. Life is hard. Life is not fair. This I know for certain, I cannot stop my soul from longing any more than I could stop the tide from rolling in. It is as much a part of me right now as the absolute solitude I feel all the way down to the core of my being.