Knowing

The silence in this house is deafening. Once again, I am alone with my thoughts...a writers dream...to have a head full of material and a blank page to fill. Only, there is so much going on in here that I am having a hard time with any kind of sustained train of thought. My inner thoughts all a buzz sound like a crowded restaurant on a Saturday night, or a dive bar with bad Karakoe blaring away in the background. I haven't been sleeping well. The thoughts never rest, which consequently means I'm not getting rest. They just tumble around up there like a load of wet tennis shoes in the dryer...it's taking it's toll, believe me. I look like hell. I'll bet I've aged ten years in the last two weeks. 

When I am unable to sleep, I climb into bed with one of my daughters. Last night it was my oldest; she has a birthday tomorrow. I watched as she slept peacefully, and I wondered what it is she dreams about. I gently traced the outline of her beautiful face and whispered...I love you. Sometimes you just have to have faith in yourself that you are doing what is best, and that Love is strong enough to overcome any circumstance. I have to trust that I have done well thus far in preparing them for life. Still—I am scared. Their happiness is paramount, and I know the months ahead will put that to the test. My situation is not unique, sadly. I have been where my children are, although, I was much younger. I know from my own experience that they will be just fine. I have to trust that. They are after all much stronger and wiser than I ever was. 

I know the time will come when the constant hum of the thoughts in my head will subside. I know blessed slumber will find me eventually. I know that someday the warmth of my heart will return the glow to my face. I know that everyone deserves abundant happiness in their life. I know...we will all be just fine.