Fake It To Make It

Anton Chekhov once said...Any idiot can face a crisis, it's the day to day living that wears you out...and a hundred years later those words still ring true. It is especially true for me personally in so many ways as I try to find my footing, and adjust to being on my own. Now more than ever, my children look to me for support, guidance, security and reassurance. When you have to put your groceries on a credit card, because there's only twenty bucks in the checking account for the next week, you learn how to fake it. It's hard maintaining that, day...after day...after day, but I manage to somehow. It's hard to set aside worry, stress and anxiety and choose to walk in faith...but that's what I'm living every single day. I know that if I fixate on all the the things "wrong" with my life, it will consume me. There have been times when it almost has. So...I wake up every morning and put a smile on my face, even on the days when I don't feel like smiling...particularly on those days...again, faking it. I have been blessed with the wisdom that all I have is right now, this moment. How I choose to live this moment is a gift I give myself, as well as my children. Their unbridled laughter these last few days have been music to my ears...a healing elixir for my soul. It is in those moments that my worn out soul is refreshed, and I know I can make it another day.

How Did I Get From Grim Reaper To Gratitude?

I don't know how many of you have ever suffered from migraine headaches, but let me tell you....you welcome death when they are really bad. That was me last night—praying for the grim reaper, laying on the couch, ceiling fan pegged out on high, and a trash can close by just in case I had to vomit. Death never came despite my best begging and pleading, so there must be more left for me to do here. I think today is a good day for a gratitude list....

~I'm grateful for the dawn of a new day. A day filled with unlimited potentials of possibility, just for me.

~I'm grateful for my darling girls who greet me every morning with smiles, kisses and hugs...the kind of hugs that wrap your soul in sweetness and warmth.

~I am grateful for laughter.

~I am grateful for the smell of fresh cut grass on Saturday morning, and the sound of lawn mowers off in the distance. It's so Americana to me.

~I am grateful for unexpected surprises...like phone calls, just because someone was thinking about you (texting and emails although convenient are impersonal and disconnected when that's all you ever get), or finding $20 at the bottom of your purse, a ladybug landing on you, a deer in the backyard, spying a shiny lucky penny on the ground (heads up of course), or someone wanting to publish your book...ok, still waiting for that surprise, but you understand what I'm talking about.

~I am grateful for my life...for all the people who have come and gone, and especially for those who have left their indelible impression on my soul. I believe no one comes to us by accident. Everyone has a purpose in your life...everyone.

~I am grateful for these last dog days of summer which herald in my favorite season...Fall. I look forward to low humidity, clean crisp air, football games with my Dad, changing leaves, Halloween, my favorite pair of jeans and a cozy sweater, and maybe a stolen kiss from someone special. My friend Wendy used to say...it's boyfriend weather...and she was right!

~I'm grateful that there's gas in my car and food in my fridge. I pray for those who lost everything in recent days to flooding, and for those who suffer daily without having a natural disaster to blame for it.

~I am grateful that even though I feel like death warmed over, I can still find the joy and happiness in my heart that allows me to sit here and make a list such as this.

~ Most of all I am grateful for love...the love I feel for my family, of course...the love for myself, which allows me to hope that I will find love again some day...and the love for my Creator who walks with me daily, and shows me what this life is all about.

What are you grateful for today?? 

Be blessed.