Who is THAT in the Mirror?

I, am…becoming a bridge troll, which feels like a step down from swamp witch, but they’re definitely living in the same neighborhood. This is out of my control, apparently. Estrogen is supposed to drop and stabilize at my age. Pretty sure mine has flatlined. Here’s the real. Let me bitch.

I’m getting shorter. My ears are getting bigger. I only have one eyebrow left and she’s sparse. Chin whiskers grow faster than Alabama kudzu. My pits smell like I rub them with the ass of a striped polecat, no matter what I do. My legs have their own agenda some nights and want to go river dancing while I’m trying to fall asleep. I routinely wake myself up snoring. I’m always exhausted, no doubt due to my nightly involuntary thrashing and gasping like a fish out of water while I’m “sleeping.” I’m propelled to the bathroom every morning by walking farts. I forget what I’m saying, as I’m saying it. And of course there’s the mood swings, headaches, joint pain, heart palpitations, anxiety, panic attacks, dizziness, hair loss and dry skin. Yay! All this and I recently received a clean bill of health, ish—aside from a diagnosed lifelong chronic pain disorder, I am fine. I’m totally fine! At least I still have my sense of humor. My wit has never been so sharp. Ask either of the two people I know. Be well, friends! #postmenopause #womenover50 #riverdance #bridgetroll