Alone

Two weeks, alone.

No schedule. No socials. No TV. Wake when I want to wake. Sleep when I want to sleep. Eat when and if I feel like it. Talk to myself. Talk to the dog, the plants, the house. Be silent, ‘cause I can do that, too. Zero in person face-to-face contact with another human being, just me and my dog and a serotonin dump that I’ve never experienced before in my entire life. No amount of drugs or alcohol ever made me feel this chill. Mornings are brighter. Nights less frightening. Time flows effortlessly, one moment into the next, and I with it, like a leaf on a stream. Moving through life is easier, is better, when you just surrender. Just be. Butterflies of all colors and sizes flit here and there, sometimes circling my head, taunting me with their beauty. A juvenile red tailed hawk has taken up residence in the trees surrounding the house. He swooped in low just as the sun was put to bed, stared at me curiously and then flew away. I sobbed. I am more myself than I have ever been. I didn’t have to spend thousands of dollars on a fancy retreat, or take a course to have someone else tell me THEIR “secret” to live MY best life. Twenty plus years of reading and collecting esoteric knowledge. Twenty years of searching for my true self. And two weeks of solitude was all it took to find her. I fucking love her. She deserves every single good thing headed her way. Thank you, Uju. #solitude #alonetime #findingmyself #surrendertotheflow