Entanglement

Let go of your past. Letting go does not mean forgetting it. It means stopping the holding on, ending the clinging to your past as if you are going to drown without it. You are drowning because of it.  ~Neale Donald Walsch How apropos for me this morning as I sit here reflecting on my past, specifically the past year. I was packing boxes this time last year, preparing to leave a marriage and a home that had defined me for more than twelve years. I was taking a giant leap of faith that I would find happiness, love and career on the other side of forty. Where am I today? Happy? Most days I am genuinely happy. I enjoy time spent in solitude, dreaming of all the possibilities that might be. I laugh every day and am grateful for my girls who let me be silly and who understand me on a level that is not of this earth. Happiness has not eluded me—love on the other hand... Love? Yes, I have been able to fall in love, to find my heart still beats, still yearns, and still searches for ...

Heartache is not just a word—it is an actual physical reaction. The heart aches to be near the one you love. I know because I feel it, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wish I didn't love so deeply, but how do you fall in love just a little bit? I feel my heart beating out its rhythm in my chest and I think... it doesn't even belong to me, it belongs to someone else... captured...stolen away during an intimate moment when hearts were being shared in quiet whispers in the dark. The thing about lending your heart to another is of course, that it may be broken, so in that moment of giving, you greet your greatest fear...heart break. Almost immediately another dialog begins making you doubt whether you can afford to truly give yourself one more time. Then, somewhere in the midst of all the second guessing, the soothing godspeak in my head calms me. I let go and breathe.

Webster's Dictionary defines writer as one that writes especially as a business or occupation. Well, occupation implies job and job implies (to me anyway) monetary compensation, which hasn't materialized for me yet—so can I, should I even be calling myself a writer? It's debatable I guess, but what is not debatable is my apparent writer's block of late. I began looking at this problem in earnest recently and came to the conclusion that I am not suffering from writer's block...no...I am suffering from indifference, and not indifference to any one thing in particular, but to everything in general . Gone is passion, excitement, joy and enthusiasm, but neither is there fear, worry, anxiety, stress or anger. There is just an emotional disconnect from life, and the funny thing about life is that it happens whether you like it or not, whether you participate in it or not, whether you write about it or not. Perhaps what I need to do is stop editing my life—just start...

Today, I am inspired. Today I let my soul feel, imagine and be all the wonderful things that I am capable of. The Universe—is an infinite sea, with wave after wave of pure potential waiting to be collapsed upon the white pristine beaches of my reality. I am but a tiny thread in the complex tapestry that creates our cosmos, but I am no less than the brightest star that shines in the heavens, because the Divine views me through loving eyes that sees no difference, for we are all One. Know that you are not separate from that which created you... you are part of it . Love, the greatest power in the Universe, the only power really, begins within. Today, I closed my eyes and tilted my head back to the brightest star in the afternoon sky and let the wind caress my being, acknowledging the moment and all its potential.

Frost and fog created one of the most beautiful sunrise mornings I think I've ever seen. Wispy clouds, painted with the first rays of sun were glowing indescribably pink, orange and gray. It was the kind of sky, the kind of pristine beauty that only the mind and soul can hold in its memory. My eyes often turn toward the sky. Moments of wonder, heavenly beauty and feelings of overwhelming joy can all be had by simply taking a break each day to marvel at the world God has created for our delight. Albert Einstein once said... He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed . It doesn't take a genius mind to know that, but it does take a smart person to know that peace, serenity and the feeling of oneness can all be felt by simply taking a moment to still the body and soul and just be. It is in my moments of being that I feel closest to my God. It is where I find my inspiration. How will we ever hear Him if we don't go to that...

I had a friend tell me yesterday... figure out who you are and what direction you want to go . I think if I had a thousand lifetimes I still wouldn't know with any certainty who I really am. Who I am is always changing. On the surface I am this divorced mother of two, struggling to make a life for myself as a writer. Just beneath the surface, I am divorced and afraid that I'll be alone the rest of my life. Just beneath the surface, I'm the mother of the two most beautiful, kind, loving girls on the planet and I pray I don't mess it up where they are concerned. Just beneath the surface, I am completely insecure about my writing, but it's my passion and I'm worried that if I don't pursue it now I'll end up passing out buggies at Wal-Mart next year. ;-)  On a deeper level, I know that love will find me again, because I believe in the power of true love. On a deeper, level I know I'm a wonderful mother, and I am doing a great job raising my girls. On a ...

These are tips I fully intend to follow myself, if I'm ever presented with an opportunity to have sex again in this lifetime.  Tip #1 Exercise Two words— Kegel exercise . If you don't know what that is, then you need to learn. Forget cardio, ab crunches and glute workouts. If you have an anaconda death grip on your man's fun stick during sex he won't care that you've put on twenty pounds since summer. He might even want to get it on more often , which I don't have to tell you is a win-win situation. After forty it is the most important exercise we ladies can do. It also helps keep that little drop of tinkle in when you sneeze. Some of you just went, aaahhh ...light bulb moment!  Tip #2 Ambiance If you've never done a Kegel, then you need to turn the lights off and the music up. Trust me on this one. Your man is going to have his eyes closed anyway so he can block out the lovely vision of your tits up under your armpits and forget that your belly button ha...