Entanglement

I never thought I’d find my bliss sitting on the back porch of a rental house in Leeds, Alabama, yet here I sit in the golden hour on a late Friday afternoon perfectly content in my solitude. But I’m not really alone. Cue rush hour at the bird feeder—it’s organized chaos as they all take turns, diving in from worlds unseen to take a morsel and disappear again to the trees. The trees give themselves gracefully to the breeze that carry the birds’ song...I can hear a hundred different melodies, my heart is full. Carpenter bees, trying to exploit weakness in the fence hover behind me, the dog brings me one of her balls to throw—her energy is limitless. A red winged blackbird I have named, Poe, sits high atop a leland cypress whistling loudly before leaving for a nearby copse of trees. The breeze picks up, I close my eyes...Suddenly, the neighbor’s surround sound thunders to life, signaling an end to my reverie. Y’all have a good weekend .  

A time capsule was opened yesterday, videos made on old TDK 8mm cassettes and transferred to a flash drive. Six hours of memories, watching my daughters grow from newborns, to celebrating milestones. It was super heartwarming, but also incredibly sad. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is a weighty tome. You could see it in my eyes, the complete and utter misery. Pleasant exchanges between a husband and a wife that lack any emotional connection whatsoever. Truth is, I became disillusioned early on by my husband’s extracurricular sex life. I knew of his propensity for promiscuity before we ever became a couple. I was just a stupid fool believing marriage and children would change him. My first inkling that he had stepped out of bounds was when I was pregnant with our first child. The neon signs, red flags, gut feelings and evidence were all there—lipstick stains, missing condoms, lame excuses. He eventually owned up to one indiscretion and by that time I had a five week ol...

Good morning! Happy Earth Day! One of my favorite things, is to watch and listen as the Earth is waking up. Hundreds of birds greet each day with song, a melodious cacophony rising with the sun. They don’t mind me as I stand silently among them, giving my own salutations to the day. Normally, I would seize the moment for breath work and lids down meditation, but this morning was all about sun gazing. Sun gazing has a long list of benefits, and tops for me is decalcifying the pineal gland, or third eye—our most important source of intuitive wisdom and connection to Divine consciousness. It’s just nice to wake up and actually be awake! I spent too many years in a brain fog, for which sun gazing helps by the way—well, I’m going to go drink my beetroot juice. Life is such a gift...I hope wherever you are, you take some time today doing something that brings you joy. Namasté  

This is me, no filter, humbly—sharing my progress with the world. The woman on the left, she had given up. She was ashamed. She was indifferent to the fact that she was slowly killing herself. She was addicted to junk food. She had high blood pressure, high a1c, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and IBS. She was on prescription meds, and kept a basket full of OTC pain relievers and sleep aids on top of the fridge. One day, she decided she wanted to change, so she did. The woman on the right. The woman on the right is on a path to health. She eats better—plant based, organic and fresh. She feels fantastic. She sleeps like a baby, no more reflux or jolting awake from snoring, no more headaches, irritable bowels, or blood pressure medicine. Her eczema is gone as are her sugar cravings. She drinks lots of water and the occasional cup of hot tea. She smiles a lot more, too. I’m beyond grateful to have had this epiphany. I know without question that I have been Divinely inspired—my spiritual jou...

It's hard devoting yourself full time to your passion, only to feel like you're stuck in a fever dream, running in place, getting absolutely nowhere. You start asking yourself if it's really worth it. Managing sixteen, yes sixteen, social media platforms with little if any interaction is demoralizing. Begging for followers and book reviews, when you can't even get "likes" and "shares" is humiliating. Publishers today, especially the big five, want to see that you have a decent following—it's easier for an "influencer" to get a book deal (even if the writing is sub-par), than it is for someone like me, a nobody in the virtual world. I know that even as I write this—nobody cares. We are drowning in a new virtual reality where the average human attention span is just eight seconds, which, depending on how fast you read or how little fucks you give, I've lost you already. Goldfish can pay attention longer. I've got good stories in m...

Balance. Easy to comprehend, hard to put into practice...for me anyway. The further I get into my journey to a better me, the more my past rushes to catch up to my present in the form of my eating disorder. I’m going to try and nutshell, what is a very large, nasty bag to unpack. Nearly twenty years ago, I lost 110 pounds in just ten months—appeared on the cover of Good Housekeeping magazine, the local newspaper, books and catalogs. I did the Atkins diet, but in an extremely unhealthy way. I restricted my carb intake to as close to zero as I could for those ten months and beyond. To curb my appetite, I smoked cigarettes and drank large bottles of wine for dinner every night. Also, I was working out daily. I became obsessed and convinced that if I ate anything, particularly anything with carbohydrates, I was going to gain all the weight back, literally overnight. I looked fantastic, but I was empty and broken inside. Rock bottom came in the cold days and weeks of January 2005, after my ...

Every prayer begins with, thank you; a fervent offering of gratitude for all that I am and all that I have. Thank you for my life, for my children and for this sweet, crazy dog lying next to me. Thank you for our health. Thank you for my parents and for their health. Thank you for this house. Thank you for clean sheets and a warm bed to lie in. Thank you for food in the pantry, indoor plumbing, electricity, a car that gets us to and fro and a job to pay for it all. Thank you for birds, honey bees, sunshine and flowers. Thank you for the Earth. Thank you for the rain and for your protection during the storm. Thank you for hard times and lessons learned. Thank you for all of my happiness through the years and please bless all my family and friends, and those who are no longer my family and friends. Thank you for laughter, love and hugs. Thank you for the gift of growing older and my able body. Thank you for my past self, my future self and my higher self. Thank you for the gift of discer...