It’s Time to Wake Up

Hey. It’s me, just checking in. How have you been? Are you good? Are you choosing happiness this moment? Remember, all we have is Now, this perfect eternal moment of right now. Stop worrying about tomorrow, next week, next year—even the next hour—come back to this moment, that’s it. Close your eyes. Breathe. Smile. 

Are you moving away from fear and into the fullness of the Light and Love that is your true nature? You are a beautiful fragment of Divine Source, never ever separated, for we all are One. Let’s always try and help those who have forgotten their Shine. 

Are you connecting with Source and expressing gratitude for all that you have and all that you are? Allow this simple action to draw you back to the present moment and bring you peace. This World? None of it is real—“all that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.” 

Can you feel the energy shifting, frequencies beckoning you to move into that higher vibration? Now is the time to embrace the Truth of who you really are. It is the time to activate the Christ Consciousness within you, and awaken.

Always, with Love  

Happy Thanksgiving

Long gone are the days of waking up in a Cumberland Homestead farmhouse on Thanksgiving Day, Mamaw in the kitchen before dawn prepping and cooking every heavenly morsel we looked forward to all year. The aroma of freshly percolated coffee and oven baked turkey, a strange and uniquely comforting emanation, rousing me from my sleepy slumber. I would tiptoe down the stairs, careful not to wake anyone, eager to share some alone time with my grandmother, watching in awe as she worked. I’m incredibly thankful to have that.

Thanksgiving looks a whole lot different these days, scaled down and simple, no huge family gatherings, no coffee, no turkey—it’s all about the sides—and Mamaw’s homemade chocolate pie. I’m more thankful in this moment than I’ve ever been, remembering the past and honoring this time of year that will forever evoke memories of a small homestead filled to overflowing with warmth, laughter and the unconditional love of family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Journey to Health—Day 318

With a mere 47 days left until the one year milestone of my journey to a better me, I can say with all honesty, I am happy with my overall health and well being. My weight loss stagnated back in September, and that's okay, because although losing more than forty pounds was a bonus, this journey for me was not about losing weight—it was about ending the cycle of emotional eating and poor mental health. I am its prisoner no more. I can testify that what kind of food you put in your body has a direct impact on every aspect of your health—physical, emotional, mental and especially spiritual.

Breakfast Bowl

The food we buy from the grocery store is no longer food, hasn't been for a long time. I became a fanatic label reader this year and nearly everything that I used to consume with voracity contains bioengineered food ingredients aka genetically modified organisms (GMO's). Stripped of nutrition and loaded with glyphosate, eating these processed foods affects the body on a cellular level and can lead to: toxicity, allergic reactions, antibiotic resistance, immuno-suppression, cancer, autism, reproductive disorders and digestive problems just to name a few. Don't be fooled by the 'NON-GMO Verified' labels you see on food. Do your research. Sadly, fresh fruits and vegetables are among the highest genetically modified foods we consume, made to look and stay fresh from harvest to supermarket, modified to have no seeds, or to have the perfect shape/size,  and often heavily laden with pesticides (grapes and strawberries are the worst). Unless you are growing your own, or buying from a trusted local source, you are consuming GMO's—death by a thousand cuts.  

All that being said, I have tried to do my best. The cost of food skyrocketing this year has lead to skipping meals, and making meals as cheaply as possible, which sometimes equated to dinner choices that were not always as healthy. I can honestly say that I would rather skip a meal than eat crap—my body has a visceral reaction to processed carbohydrates now. I'd rather suck down a tablespoon of sea moss and have a warm cup of water than eat a big bowl of spaghetti or a slice of cake.  

Speaking of sea moss... 

Yes, I have broken down and tried all kinds of healthy supplements and superfoods du jour—plant based protein shakes, chia/hemp seeds, beetroot powder, ashwaganda root powder, turmeric balls, Bragg's apple cider vinegar with 'the mother' and yes just recently, sea moss. Some of these were pretty pricy experiments and my credit card feels the pain, but most if not all of them were worth it! If you want to be healthy it's gonna cost you, but let me tell you, I'd rather pay for sea moss than blood pressure and anxiety meds.

Anyway, this was more long-winded than I had intended. I hope you all are well. Do your best, make good choices, be kind, be grateful and remember, all we have is Now. 

Peace. 

 

       

Dame Droopy

My day started with someone calling me sir and it made me a little sad—sad because it’s not the first time I’ve been mistaken for a man. Could have been the ball cap I was wearing, maybe the readers at the end of my large nose, my disappearing lips or the fact I have one and half eyebrows, uneven skin tone and a couple of long white whiskers protruding defiantly from my chinny-chin-chin. Breathe. 

Rolling with the punches, I pretended not to hear, it was really okay, and then I took a selfie during a texting conversation with my daughter and I saw it. I did kinda look like a dude. Menopause has stolen every ounce of femininity I once possessed, not that I’ve lifted a finger to try and retrieve it. I don’t care. I feel better than ever! I am resigned to white hair, dry skin, deflated boobs and zero collagen—I’m literally droopy the hound. I refer you to the picture if you’re thinking, huh?

I still have nice feet though, focusing on the good y’all. Maybe I’ll join FeetFinders before those go too. Hey, they’ll never know those gorgeous feet belong to menopausal man-me. Ha! 

Be well. 

  

Nine

 

Pause

Birds on a wire comfort me. Somehow, even they know when it’s time for a moment of rest. Do they speak to one another, or do they enjoy the silence and the sunlight warming their wings? Do they see the giant Red Shouldered Hawk perched high atop an electrical tower just across the easement? Majestically he surveys his territory and when he takes flight it is breathtaking. 

An unseen songbird very close by sings a heavenly aria to which no music can compare. Is her melodious poetry happy or sad? Is she saying goodbye to summer? Is she singing a love song to her beloved? What kind of bird she is, I will never know, yet I express my gratitude to the Universe for granting me audience with her—my whole existence simplified in the moment. 

Take time, daily, to appreciate what you love most in this world. Discard your worry and your stress for a little while. Press pause. Simplify your life by existing in the eternal moment of now, and see the beauty all around you. 

I hope you all are well.  

Proud of this One!

Recently, I was 3/4 of the way through a post on Instagram and it vaporized into the ether. It was a good post, too—maybe one of my best and it was just gone. It physically hurt to lose that one, really. But, it got me thinking about how much of my works are solely online, and not to put to fine a point on it but—all of them are, all of them—hundreds. 

For years I kept a journal, until my handwriting began looking like chicken scratch, so the thought of transcribing almost fourteen years worth of material made my hands ache. Times being what they are and the fact that the internet could crash at any given moment, I did what any good writer would do—I produced a book. 

Musings of a Madwoman: A Sane Way to Discard the Insane Brain is my newest nonfiction release. It is all of my Entanglement blog posts, plus a few extras that have never been published—timeless introspective for a new audience. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come, how my writing has evolved and matured. I am ever grounded in the present moment, but it’s exciting to believe that my journey will continue to get better with time and I will continue to write about it, for me and for you readers, whoever and wherever you are out there. I am grateful. 

Be well.  

 

Backyard Beauty

I’ve had to put a moratorium on bird feeding. It breaks my heart to look out into the backyard and see empty feeders where there once was a nonstop flurry of activity. 

Greedy, plump Mourning Doves would eventually run everyone off. It was comical watching them squeeze, sometimes three deep, into the feeders, testing the limits of cedar wood and wire mesh, perfecting their sinful gluttony—only vacating if the dog came charging. Raccoons, chipmunks, rats and mice had taken over the yard, foraging for the crumbs those fat lovable bastards would spill over the sides. The dog became a basket case. I had to shut it down. 

The upside to quiet bird feeders is that I have had a chance to focus my attention on other visitors to my backyard: butterflies, frogs, dragonflies, skinks, anoles and beautiful bright green Katydids. 

And that rude Mockingbird who claimed his territory earlier this Spring—I’ve watched in awe as he and his mate have raised their fledgling, teaching it how to light effortlessly on the fence, how to take off from the tree just beyond and how to find insects in the grass—every now and then pausing to deposit a fat worm in its gaping little beak...a happy family that has brought me such immense joy. 

Nature is God in motion, never ceasing. There is more beauty in this world than we can possibly comprehend. We simply have to shift our focus and observe. 

Peace ♥️🪶

Eat The Cake

Sometimes you just have to eat the cake. You know it will make you feel like shit, but in the sweet seconds of that first heavenly bite when a thousand tastebuds rave, your jaw pinches just below your ears, your eyes close reverently and lips slowly curl up in a smile, you simply don’t care. 

Twenty minutes later you get the shakes and want to vomit. 

After seven months of eating healthy, clean, organic and plant based, my body reacts to processed food viscerally. I’m humbled and amazed at how far I’ve come—at how much I’ve grown—spiritually speaking, mind you, my mid-section is much smaller. ☺️ 

Eating has become mindful, intentional, every meal an act of gratitude. I’m especially grateful when my body reminds me that despite the deliciousness of the occasional decadent treat, it will result in almost instant regret. Was it worth it? Ummmm, hell yeah it was—balance, it’s all about balance. Don’t beat yourself up. Every moment is an opportunity to start anew. 

Today, give me the berries, yogurt, nuts and honey! Life is good. 

I hope you all are well. ♥️

 

Miracles

Einstein is my beau ideal. How do you align with this belief—do you live the miracle, or no?

Ego, holds us hostage to low vibrations—old behaviors and patterns keep our soul from expanding, growing and becoming the highest most powerful embodiment of Source. It’s time to break free. You are here to be a part of this great awakening. 

Spirit yearns to walk barefoot on Mother Earth, to sojourn in a distant land, to meditate on a high plateau under an endless expanse of sky, to feel connected with that loving, invisible, ethereal energy permeating all things.

Let go of fear. Let go of negativity and low vibrational people, places and things that no longer serve your highest good. Streamline and simplify your life. Live every moment humbly, in constant gratitude for the miracle that it truly is. 

Peace ♥️

Wellness

Update on my wellness journey—I have not felt this good, or been this fat-thin in over six years! 

It’s amazing what eating healthy and meditating can do for the body and soul. I am free. 

The practice of living in the present moment has been life changing—this knowledge known to me for over twenty years, but never fully embraced and experienced until now. 

I’ve said it before—worry, stress, fear, frustration and anxiety disappear when you live in Love and gratitude; every breath, every morning stretch, every laugh, every meal, every moment of solitude—miraculous. 

Everything is energy and there is no shortage of negativity these days, it permeates daily living. So focus on the good, be positive, be in the moment, breathe and be happy! 

Life is so good when you turn off the news. 😄

Be well. ♥️

First Book Reviews Are Unanimous—Kids LOVE It!!

“This book is so cute! I picked this book up and read to my daughter, age two, and she loved it and the pictures. She then took it to her daycare class and the teacher read it three times to the class! I would definitely recommend this book!”

-Amazon Review

“I read this book to my daughters last night and they love it! They've asked to read it the past two nights in a row!”

-Erin

“Our three year old carries this book around now.” 

-Aubie

“My kids, nine months, two, five and seven, all loved this book!! My seven year old has read it to his sisters over and over since we got it!” 

-Amanda

“Super cute book! It has quickly become my toddler's favorite.”

-Lena

“My boys loved it! We read it as our bedtime story and they thought it was cute!” 

-Elizabeth

“Very well written so that a four year old could understand. Love the title!” 

-Kathy

These are just some of the amazing reviews my new book is getting!! I am beyond happy that the littles love it so much! Thank you, thank you, to everyone for supporting this labor of love. ♥️

A Pain In The Neck!

We’ve all been there—you wake up one morning with a crick in your neck—instantly, blindingly painful and you can’t turn your head. You amble around for a couple days like Frankenstein’s monster, stiff and grumbly. The only thing missing are the bolts on your neck.

I have been s u f f e r i n g for over a week now. Sleep has been elusive, difficult and fitful. Simply turning over, producing sharp jolting pains up my neck and into my cranium. I decided my pillow was partially to blame, so I retired my cool gel tempurpedic and embarked on a fruitless journey to a better sleeping pillow—and I am in hell.

I went to one of the only Bed, Bath & Beyond stores that isn’t shuddered, yet, and I was dumbstruck. The pillow—THE pillow, that I now covet, that will haunt my side sleeping, neck aching dreams, is a casual, middle of the road $150 Nestwell. She ain’t even the most expensive!! I’ve seen other brands listed for $450...FOR A PILLOW.

Fortunately for me, I am a pillow hoarder. There is no shortage of craptastical two and three dollar Walmart specials stuffed inside pillow shams that never seem to make it off the floor and onto the bed. I tried one the other night and I woke up with my head cratered flat on the mattress, with both sides of the pillow rising up above my temples, creating a half pipe on which Shaun White could have carved his way to Gold.

Sleep is still a struggle. Eyes are puffy and red. Neck is still stiff. I hiss and groan unconsciously when I move. I’m on the verge of tears 24/7. If I don’t get relief soon, I’m going to be fitted for neck bolts and be done—prolly cheaper than a new pillow anyway.

Hope y’all are well.

 

I Have A Little Mean Dog—Available Now!!

Writing has always been my preferred creative outlet, followed in close second by photography. I wrote my first book, The World's Smartest Circle, at the tender age of seven. It got checked out of the Woodland Elementary School library quite a few times in its limited release—I wish I still had it. 

I have kept a journal ever since I can remember, as a matter of fact, I maintain a collection of blank journals—nineteen to be precise—all blank, you know, in case the urge hits me. My love of journaling led me to start this blog some fourteen years ago as a way of coping with my feelings during my divorce. Eight years of our fourteen together spent in marriage counseling, and he still couldn't communicate on an emotional level with me. His greatest fear was not losing his wife and two small children, no, it was the fear of "being broke." I hope he's happy with his money.

Lots of past traumas and emotions were dredged up for me during that time, which led to the writing of, Beaten In Love, my memoir about surviving domestic violence. It is not a book for everyone. It's graphic and raw with mature themes throughout. It is a book about mistakes, red flags and the hopelessness I felt feeling trapped in an abusive cycle. Written thirteen years ago and then shelved because of too many reasons to get into, it just celebrated its two year anniversary of being published. I'm still proud of that accomplishment in so many ways.

Tired of writing about my depression, financial struggles, anxiety and the state of the world (who isn't having problems these days), I decided to change my life for the better, starting with the way I eat. Since January of this year, I have lost nearly forty pounds by becoming a vegetarian, and cutting sugar and processed foods from my diet. My spiritual journey has fast tracked beyond anything I can adequately describe. I am truly at peace. To that end—it feels like taking ten steps back, to try and write about my past now, for which I am grateful. There is so much beauty, Love and Life ahead for me, starting with the whole point of this blog...

I'm writing children's picture books!! I just published my first, with more to come! As a stay at home (and then single) mom, former Pre-K TA and writer, I wanted to create a fun and simple, happy little picture book—one I imagined my own kids would want to hear and read again and again—so I did. I give you, I Have A Little Mean Dog. Paperback will read better as a picture book, obviously, but it's also available as an ebook for Kindle or tablets. I hope you will take a look and be sure to leave feedback on Amazon or Goodreads. This feels so right in the next chapter of my Life. I hope you will join me!!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=i+have+a+little+mean+dog&i=stripbooks&crid=1DKUA8WQ6P0B3&sprefix=i+have+a+little+mean+dog%2Cstripbooks%2C102&ref=nb_sb_noss      

Author Interview: Traci Reason Answers Questions About Her New Release, Beaten In Love

DREAMING BIG PUBLICATIONS AUTHOR INTERVIEW 

Beaten In Love 

Tell us about your latest book. 

Beaten in Love is not for everyone, graphic and raw, it chronicles a time in my life when I became a victim of domestic violence at the hands of someone I thought I loved. It is a brutally honest memoir of how I became trapped in the cycle of abuse. As someone who struggled with low self-esteem and a proclivity for alcohol, I often confused sexual attraction for love. My hope in sharing my story, is to help other young women avoid this trap.

         

Who are your favorite authors? 

I have many favorite authors but looking at my bookshelves it’s easy to see my preference is for V.E. Schwab, Simone St. James, Ruth Ware, Freida McFadden, Taylor Jenkins Reid, Neil Gaiman, John Marrs, Jay Kristoff and Stephen King. 

What advice do you have for other writers? 

I think we all dabble a little with writing; if not, we should be. It’s good exercise for the grey matter. Journaling became my obsession over many years, until a dying marriage lead me to blogging. It was a way for me to purge, in real time, all the emotions I was experiencing day-to-day and to get feedback and advice from others simultaneously. If you are writing, keep it up. If you’re not blogging, you should be, and never give up your dream to be published if that is your goal. It took me almost ten years. Anything is possible if you believe in yourself.

  

What's the best thing about being a writer? 

When you are in the zone and you read back something you’ve written and think…wow, where did that come from! 

What’s the hardest thing about being a writer? 

Sitting in front of an empty screen watching a blinking cursor for hours or feeling like there is not enough time in the day to get something on paper. I feel like writer’s block is a cliché, but it happens. 

Where can people find out more about you and your writing? 

www.reasonwrites.wixsite.com/blog/

Reasonbee.blogspot.com 

Imnotcrazyitsmenopause.blogspot.com 

Facebook.com/reasonwrites 

How long did it take you to write your book? 

Once I got going, I could barely keep up with the memories as they unfolded. I was finished in about a year. I might have been done sooner, but I went through a divorce right in the middle of it. 

Where can a reader purchase your book? 

Beaten In Love is available on Amazon in paperback and digital formats, also on barnesandnoble.com

 

What are you doing to market the book? 

Years ago, I took a writing class, Shocking Real Life by Hollis Gillespie who is an acclaimed writer from Atlanta and local celebrity. When any of her students are published, she showcases the book on her social media platforms. I have other writer friends who can help spread the word and I can get the word out on my platforms as well. My blog receives, on average, about 85% viewership on Facebook. 

Who inspires you? 

My daughters. They are my greatest joy, my one done right and the best of everything in me. Being their mom is a privilege and I don’t take one single second with them for granted. 

Do you have another work in progress? Tell us about it. 

I'm working on a book about my years being married to an alcoholic, narcissistic, pilot ex-husband, tentatively titled, Ladies and Gentlemen, This Is Your Captain. We met while both working for a start-up airline called ValuJet. Incestuous flight crews were notorious for partying hard and routinely ignoring the bottle to throttle rule. Our fragile marriage crumbled when he was arrested in Las Vegas in 2005 for trying to fly under the influence. It made national headlines. 

What are your thoughts on self-publishing verses traditional publishing? 

I knew from the beginning of this journey that I wanted to go traditional. I wanted my book in the hands of professionals who knew what they were doing and could offer valuable advice along the way. 

Who or what inspired you to become a writer? 

 J.K. Rowling. When I heard her story, it gave me chills. Like me (and so many others), she suffered domestic abuse, a failed marriage, single motherhood, depression, thoughts of suicide and poverty before changing the world with the written word. I admire her greatly. 

Does your family support you in your writing career? How? 

My daughters are my biggest fans, although they have not read my book (by choice because of its content), only my blogs and short stories. I think most of my extended family view my writing as a cute hobby, not a “real job.” Boy, would I love to prove them wrong! 

What are you currently reading? 

E Squared by Pam Grout. It speaks to my love of quantum physics and the nature of reality in a way that is every day relatable. She has inspired a yet to be written short story called, “Yellow Cars and Butterflies.” 

When you’re not writing, how do you spend your time? 

I spend time with my family. I read, and I take pictures. Photography is my flip side to writing. Sometimes a picture can capture a moment in a way that make words superfluous. 

What is your favorite line from a movie? 

I’m an admitted movie junkie, so picking one is impossible! 

“You sold a reverberating carbonizer to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of shit.”                

 -Men in Black 

“These are the Cubans, baby. This is the Cohibas, the Montecristos. This is a kinetic-kill, side-winder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst. It's capable of busting a bunker under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it'd write a book, a book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. It would read it to you. This is my Eiffel Tower. This is my Rachmaninoff's Third. My Pieta. It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful, and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it "The Ex-Wife." 

-Ironman 2 

“Katie you expect so much.” 

“Oh, but look what I’ve got.” 

-The Way We Were 

When you walk into a book store, where is the first place you go? 

I like to take a deep breath first, because I love the way books smell, then new releases, then journals. 

What is your biggest pet peeve? 

Bad drivers, hands down.

Small Town Livin’

Between The Tracks Produce Market is one of the things I love about living in small town Leeds, Alabama. It takes me back to my grandparent’s garden and side of the road vegetable stands of my youth, where everything was freshly picked, probably that morning—dried garden dirt still on it, score. 

Supporting local markets and farmers is more important than its ever been. We need community and that sense of fellowship and family that you just don’t get grocery shopping for produce covered in wax and cellophane. 

Friendly service and going the extra mile is what you’ll get here—your tomatoes or peaches will be checked for quality and by golly if one’s damaged, they’ll go grab you a replacement. You will leave Between The Tracks with a smile on your face and a warm feeling in your heart, not to mention delicious produce. 

It’s worth mentioning that I’m not being paid to write a review of this establishment. I just appreciate good people, local grown, boiled peanuts and the nostalgic feeling I get walking into a rustic old building with fans on high, yet, there’s no reprieve from the sweltering summer heat—it’s a futile attempt to keep those pesky flies off that fresh produce—part and parcel of summertime in the South. 

Wherever you are right now, the next time you shop, consider an extra stop on your grocery trip to a farmer’s market or roadside stand for your fruits and vegetables if there’s one around. Take your time, make small talk, don’t mind the heat and the flies—it’s country, it’s small town, it’s real, it’s family.

Y’all take care. ♥️

This Glorious Rising

Rain has been coming down in sheets since the early hours of this morning, beating first light in a race to wake the world. Thunder rumbled long and low, vibrating the dog out of the bed and to the presumed safety of the couch with its protective layer of pillows and throws. A frog’s song began, celebrating the deluge—more croak than music, but I smiled nonetheless. 

Then there are my birds, ever tenacious, gathering in the downpour fighting for space on the feeders. Wrens find respite on the porch. They shake the water from their wings and look at me through the glass door, indignant, as if to say, where is our breakfast Lady?! More smiles. 

Is it possible that I’ve never seen such a congregation? How are there so many? Do they delight in the morning rain as much as I? This glorious rising is the moment, is the miracle for which I live. 

Good morning all! Be blessed, I hope your day is perfection. 

Journey to Health—Small Victories

Do you know what one of the best feelings in the world is, for someone who has struggled with weight? 

Answer: clothes that are loose fitting! 

Once I had reached a plateau in my weight gain, years ago, I refused to buy any more clothes, especially if it was a bigger size. I have been wearing the same four pairs of pants and half dozen shirts for probably seven or eight years—black ensembles badly faded and thread bare.

I hit another milestone this week, celebrated quietly, because in reality I am still overweight, but progress is progress. My clothes are just a small victory in this ongoing journey that feels less like a battle and more like a long walk home. 

Processed food and sugar cravings are far behind me and I look forward to comfortably moving more as my body returns to me. Maybe I’ll finally try Pilates...take up yoga again. Lord knows I have enough loose fitting clothes in which to move freely, and man, does that feel good! 

I hope everyone is taking care out there. Be kind to yourself and those you meet. Take time, every day, to connect with Spirit and be fully aware and grateful for this eternal moment of now. 

Peace. 

Anything Is Possible

It is possible to heal. It is possible to completely shed past traumas and the darkest inner demons that you accepted—accepted—would always be part of you. It is possible to transform, into a higher, better version of yourself, no longer burdened by depression and anxiety. It is possible.

It is possible to be free from addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, junk food and fear. It is possible to reject negative people, places and things that steal your energy and lower your vibration. It is possible to live without television and the never ending stream of bad news. It is possible to put the phone down. It is possible.

It is possible to live in a constant state of happiness and bliss. It is possible to love yourself just the way you are. It is possible not to care what other people think. It is possible to be mindful, kind and ever aware that We are all One; see the beauty in every soul you meet. It is possible.

Waking up is walking in the Light. Gratitude, joy, abundance, peace and Love are found in the Light of this eternal present moment. It is possible to love your life more—more—than you ever imagined. It. Is. Possible.

The Awakening is here.

Peace  

Hard Loss

This morning, someone, somewhere, woke up like any other normal Sunday. Maybe they were going to breakfast, to church, to Starbucks perhaps, to the lake for some water sports, or to play golf—then, in an instant they were gone—never making it back home, to the comfort and warmth of loved ones waiting, like any other normal day. 

None of us is blind to the fact that we all face the death of our physical body, it doesn’t, however, ease the pain felt over losing someone dear to our hearts. We cry, we mourn, we grieve, but we also celebrate having shared life with such a wonderful soul. Spirit moves on to Heavens beyond our Earthly comprehension and that gives us solace to endure our days left here without them. 

Find beauty and meaning in every eternal moment. Love out loud, smile, free your heart—forgive, let go and be grateful to the Divine for it all. 

Peace be with you. 

You Are Beautiful

Our days on this beautiful planet are finite. Not one of us knows the hour of our passing on to the next great existence, therefore, live your life to the fullest. Find beauty in each eternal moment and give deepest gratitude to the Source which created it all. Seek the Divine within you, for you cannot, nor have you ever been separate from it. 

Worry, fear, stress—do not exist when you experience Love as who, and what you truly are. Smile, breathe, spin ‘round and ‘round in an explosion of cattail fluff on a breezy summer day. You are beautiful; recognize the singular uniqueness of your soul and celebrate it every moment, in all you do and in everyone you meet, then, watch your life bloom. 

Peace 

Best Mom Ever

When I was a very little girl, I gave my mother a frame with delicate, dried, pressed flowers behind it. The sentiment—Mom is another word for Love—it is, an absolute. Of all the trinkets that have come and gone through the years, she still holds on to that frame with those dainty pressed flowers, and it makes me feel loved.

My, how times have changed! Fast forward many years and I now have two grown daughters of my own. I, too, have trinkets collected over the years that I cherish, but let me tell you—THIS takes the cake!! I laughed, I cried...how wonderful to be loved so much! Although I won't be able to save this in a traditional way like all the thoughtful gifts that have come before, it will be forever tucked away deep inside my heart.

Every day is Mother's Day for me, but today...today I feel especially happy. My heart is overwhelmed with Love and gratitude for my daughters who, shouted it from the rooftops, via a billboard on HWY 459N in Birmingham, Alabama.

I hope wherever you are today, you feel loved.

Peace

On Ageing

When I die, I want my face to tell the story of my life. I want laugh lines and age spots. I want white hair, whiskers and wisdom. I want to leave with a smile on my face and a song on my lips. I want my ashes scattered to the wind, where my beloved birds soar...

I never had a desire to look thirty-something in my mid-fifties—hell, I deeply, deeply regret the boob job I got at twenty-two—no, I'd rather be a Golden Girl as I crest old lady hill on the way to my golden years! I embrace the stretch marks and saggy skin.

Ageing is a gift. I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend on this glorious planet. I chuckled to myself today, sitting on the patio enjoying the 30 mph wind gusts, talking to my dog and whiling the day away. I was thinking of my grandmother and how she enjoyed sitting outside, and I was amused that in so many ways, I'm just like her—then the Universe sent me a butterfly, it was beautiful.

Pure Bliss

I never thought I’d find my bliss sitting on the back porch of a rental house in Leeds, Alabama, yet here I sit in the golden hour on a late Friday afternoon perfectly content in my solitude. But I’m not really alone. Cue rush hour at the bird feeder—it’s organized chaos as they all take turns, diving in from worlds unseen to take a morsel and disappear again to the trees. The trees give themselves gracefully to the breeze that carry the birds’ song...I can hear a hundred different melodies, my heart is full.

Carpenter bees, trying to exploit weakness in the fence hover behind me, the dog brings me one of her balls to throw—her energy is limitless. A red winged blackbird I have named, Poe, sits high atop a leland cypress whistling loudly before leaving for a nearby copse of trees. The breeze picks up, I close my eyes...Suddenly, the neighbor’s surround sound thunders to life, signaling an end to my reverie.

Y’all have a good weekend.  

Immeasurable Joy and Fascination

A time capsule was opened yesterday, videos made on old TDK 8mm cassettes and transferred to a flash drive. Six hours of memories, watching my daughters grow from newborns, to celebrating milestones. It was super heartwarming, but also incredibly sad. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is a weighty tome.

You could see it in my eyes, the complete and utter misery. Pleasant exchanges between a husband and a wife that lack any emotional connection whatsoever. Truth is, I became disillusioned early on by my husband’s extracurricular sex life. I knew of his propensity for promiscuity before we ever became a couple. I was just a stupid fool believing marriage and children would change him.

My first inkling that he had stepped out of bounds was when I was pregnant with our first child. The neon signs, red flags, gut feelings and evidence were all there—lipstick stains, missing condoms, lame excuses. He eventually owned up to one indiscretion and by that time I had a five week old and a twenty-two month old, so what choice did I have but to, unhappily, soldier on.

Postpartum depression wrapped me in its dark embrace and kept me dependent on medication that propped me up, but numbed my soul, for years. As I watched pieces of my life unfold on the screen before me, I was deeply disturbed by how much of my life was lost. So much of it I simply don’t remember. What should have been a time of immeasurable joy and fascination—raising my beautiful daughters, was largely erased due to depression and years of taking antidepressants. Add alcohol to the mix and I’m surprised I can remember my own name, but hey—the marriage kept humming.

After twelve years, I’d had enough, so I said when. I shudder to think what might have been, if I’d stayed “for the sake of the kids.” This year, I will have been divorced longer than I was married, and it has taken another failed relationship, a shit ton of trauma and five years of healing to stand here today...happier and healthier than I’ve ever been. It is a time of immeasurable joy and fascination, and I am drenched in every single miraculous moment of it!

Namasté

Earth Day

Good morning! Happy Earth Day!

One of my favorite things, is to watch and listen as the Earth is waking up. Hundreds of birds greet each day with song, a melodious cacophony rising with the sun. They don’t mind me as I stand silently among them, giving my own salutations to the day. Normally, I would seize the moment for breath work and lids down meditation, but this morning was all about sun gazing.

Sun gazing has a long list of benefits, and tops for me is decalcifying the pineal gland, or third eye—our most important source of intuitive wisdom and connection to Divine consciousness.

It’s just nice to wake up and actually be awake! I spent too many years in a brain fog, for which sun gazing helps by the way—well, I’m going to go drink my beetroot juice.Life is such a gift...I hope wherever you are, you take some time today doing something that brings you joy.

Namasté

 

My Wellness Journey at 111 Days

This is me, no filter, humbly—sharing my progress with the world.

The woman on the left, she had given up. She was ashamed. She was indifferent to the fact that she was slowly killing herself. She was addicted to junk food. She had high blood pressure, high a1c, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and IBS. She was on prescription meds, and kept a basket full of OTC pain relievers and sleep aids on top of the fridge. One day, she decided she wanted to change, so she did.

The woman on the right. The woman on the right is on a path to health. She eats better—plant based, organic and fresh. She feels fantastic. She sleeps like a baby, no more reflux or jolting awake from snoring, no more headaches, irritable bowels, or blood pressure medicine. Her eczema is gone as are her sugar cravings. She drinks lots of water and the occasional cup of hot tea. She smiles a lot more, too.

I’m beyond grateful to have had this epiphany. I know without question that I have been Divinely inspired—my spiritual journey integral, nay essential, to my success. The woman on the right, now, she wants to live, love and laugh...and she hopes to inspire someone along the way.

That’s all. Be well.

Namasté

 

Goldfish

It's hard devoting yourself full time to your passion, only to feel like you're stuck in a fever dream, running in place, getting absolutely nowhere. You start asking yourself if it's really worth it.

Managing sixteen, yes sixteen, social media platforms with little if any interaction is demoralizing. Begging for followers and book reviews, when you can't even get "likes" and "shares" is humiliating. Publishers today, especially the big five, want to see that you have a decent following—it's easier for an "influencer" to get a book deal (even if the writing is sub-par), than it is for someone like me, a nobody in the virtual world.

I know that even as I write this—nobody cares. We are drowning in a new virtual reality where the average human attention span is just eight seconds, which, depending on how fast you read or how little fucks you give, I've lost you already. Goldfish can pay attention longer.

I've got good stories in me, stories worth telling. Do I keep fighting the good fight, or do I throw in the towel? It's a rhetorical question really, because clearly, no one is listening. Recently I heard someone say of their success...I always thought I could, so I did. He lead the team that taught goldfish to drive the new "fish operated vehicle," or something like that, I wasn't paying attention.

Inner Demons

Balance. Easy to comprehend, hard to put into practice...for me anyway. The further I get into my journey to a better me, the more my past rushes to catch up to my present in the form of my eating disorder. I’m going to try and nutshell, what is a very large, nasty bag to unpack.

Nearly twenty years ago, I lost 110 pounds in just ten months—appeared on the cover of Good Housekeeping magazine, the local newspaper, books and catalogs. I did the Atkins diet, but in an extremely unhealthy way. I restricted my carb intake to as close to zero as I could for those ten months and beyond. To curb my appetite, I smoked cigarettes and drank large bottles of wine for dinner every night. Also, I was working out daily. I became obsessed and convinced that if I ate anything, particularly anything with carbohydrates, I was going to gain all the weight back, literally overnight. I looked fantastic, but I was empty and broken inside.

Rock bottom came in the cold days and weeks of January 2005, after my then husband made national news for trying to fly a commercial airliner while intoxicated. After placing blame on me, “I did this to spite you,” (narcissists never take responsibility for their own actions), he made his way to rehab and my alcohol consumption kicked into high gear. Surviving on Diet Coke and Pinot Grigio, my size two jeans swallowed my skeletal frame. The skinner I got, the better and more in control I thought I felt, but I was so sick—an emotional and mental mess.

My husband returned from rehab with a chip still solidly on his shoulder and an impenetrable wall around him that would remain until our divorce four years later. The weight came back—all of it and then some. I yo-yoed for years, but could never manage to attain skeletal status again, thankfully. But sadly, I did reach another milestone—my heaviest weight ever, nearly 300 pounds. The pendulum had swung. Depression and overeating had taken control of my life.

Addiction in any form is not healthy. When I gave up alcohol, food took its place and balance disappeared, if it ever existed, for me, in the first place. Now, I find those inner demons are waking up, telling me that if I simply eat, I will regain precious pounds lost. Conversely, they also tell me to give up...you’re older now, they say, no longer in your prime, who cares what you look like...look, the scale doesn’t move, you’ll never reach your goal...etc., etc. It’s a constant battle. Add a little anxiety and my ever present sidekick, depression, and balance becomes a foreign concept.

Self-sabotage is real...so are excuses. Although eating healthy feels right in every way under the sun, it is more expensive today than it was when I began a mere 65 days ago. I’m constantly worrying if this is sustainable, and every day has become a struggle, because the cost of living is rising almost as fast as my inner demons. Still, I am keenly aware that, one day at a time, is not an empty mantra—I try and celebrate the small victories and forgive the slips, I’m only human. Huh, sounds like balance. Anyway, this is my journey to a better me.

Peace