Entanglement

I had a friend tell me yesterday... figure out who you are and what direction you want to go . I think if I had a thousand lifetimes I still wouldn't know with any certainty who I really am. Who I am is always changing. On the surface I am this divorced mother of two, struggling to make a life for myself as a writer. Just beneath the surface, I am divorced and afraid that I'll be alone the rest of my life. Just beneath the surface, I'm the mother of the two most beautiful, kind, loving girls on the planet and I pray I don't mess it up where they are concerned. Just beneath the surface, I am completely insecure about my writing, but it's my passion and I'm worried that if I don't pursue it now I'll end up passing out buggies at Wal-Mart next year. ;-)  On a deeper level, I know that love will find me again, because I believe in the power of true love. On a deeper, level I know I'm a wonderful mother, and I am doing a great job raising my girls. On a ...

These are tips I fully intend to follow myself, if I'm ever presented with an opportunity to have sex again in this lifetime.  Tip #1 Exercise Two words— Kegel exercise . If you don't know what that is, then you need to learn. Forget cardio, ab crunches and glute workouts. If you have an anaconda death grip on your man's fun stick during sex he won't care that you've put on twenty pounds since summer. He might even want to get it on more often , which I don't have to tell you is a win-win situation. After forty it is the most important exercise we ladies can do. It also helps keep that little drop of tinkle in when you sneeze. Some of you just went, aaahhh ...light bulb moment!  Tip #2 Ambiance If you've never done a Kegel, then you need to turn the lights off and the music up. Trust me on this one. Your man is going to have his eyes closed anyway so he can block out the lovely vision of your tits up under your armpits and forget that your belly button ha...

That's right, nothing comes into your life randomly, or by chance. At some level, either consciously or sub-consciously, you draw it into your experience for some greater soul purpose. That is a hard pill to swallow for most people, because no one wants to believe that they are the cause of their own plight. On the other hand, those same people will be the first ones to claim responsibility for anything good that comes their way. Interesting dichotomy, isn't it? Victim or victor—the choice is always up to us because our thoughts create the very nature of our reality, and no, this is not some New Age hooey. Some of the most brilliant minds in science, philosophy and religion know this to be a basic Law of the Universe. Even Jesus taught... you reap what you sow ... Understanding that we have the power to change even the most unbearable circumstances in our lives simply by changing the way we think should send us shouting from the rooftops, don't you think? Don't get me...

Wasted years, I've lost myself  And now can't find my way.  Burning in a silent hell  Each and every day.  A woman stares through lifeless eyes,  Surely, that's not me.  My reflection mocks a life  And memories of what used to be.  How can I move forward  When I'm stuck in yesterday?  Courted by nostalgia  It's hard to look away.  I am haunted by a time and place  To which I can't return.  So here I am, my daily hell  And silently I burn.

I've been sitting here most of the day trying to put into words what is in my heart, but I'm not that poetic. There are a thousand ideas I want to spill out onto this canvas...a thousand images and emotions I want to convey. My life is so full this moment, so rich. For weeks, I have been gently peeling back the layers of me—aiming for the core of who I really am, and who I want to be. Many mornings after the cleansing business of exercising the body, I will nourish my spirit, sitting alone with my thoughts and my Creator. What I have found to be true for me, is that it is during those times when my guard is down and my heart wide open, that the floodgates burst. God's love rushes in and washes over me. Nothing else exists outside of that moment. All worry, fear, doubt and sadness melts away. In that point in time, I am reminded of what really matters in this life. I am not perfect and I'm certainly no saint. I will continue to make mistakes and I will stumble...I am on...

Anton Chekhov once said... Any idiot can face a crisis, it's the day to day living that wears you out ...and a hundred years later those words still ring true. It is especially true for me personally in so many ways as I try to find my footing, and adjust to being on my own. Now more than ever, my children look to me for support, guidance, security and reassurance. When you have to put your groceries on a credit card, because there's only twenty bucks in the checking account for the next week, you learn how to fake it. It's hard maintaining that, day...after day...after day, but I manage to somehow. It's hard to set aside worry, stress and anxiety and choose to walk in faith...but that's what I'm living every single day. I know that if I fixate on all the the things "wrong" with my life, it will consume me. There have been times when it almost has. So...I wake up every morning and put a smile on my face, even on the days when I don't feel like smil...

I don't know how many of you have ever suffered from migraine headaches, but let me tell you....you welcome death when they are really bad. That was me last night—praying for the grim reaper, laying on the couch, ceiling fan pegged out on high, and a trash can close by just in case I had to vomit. Death never came despite my best begging and pleading, so there must be more left for me to do here. I think today is a good day for a gratitude list.... ~I'm grateful for the dawn of a new day. A day filled with unlimited potentials of possibility, just for me. ~I'm grateful for my darling girls who greet me every morning with smiles, kisses and hugs...the kind of hugs that wrap your soul in sweetness and warmth. ~I am grateful for laughter. ~I am grateful for the smell of fresh cut grass on Saturday morning, and the sound of lawn mowers off in the distance. It's so Americana to me. ~I am grateful for unexpected surprises...like phone calls, just because someone wa...